This piece is from the score of the original stage musical The Right Circles. It is performed by the characters Miranda and Bill.
Listen to .mp3 sample of Birth of a Bohemian from the Demo Recording.
See the The Right Circles post for Demo Recording performance credits.
Lyrics & Book Excerpt
MIRANDA:
My boy Bill
Has a role to fulfill
BILL:
And he will
But it doesn’t exist yet
I can’t write
I’m an actor
MIRANDA:
Despite opening night
Jitters nobody’s hissed yet
Don’t fear of the blank page awaiting
I’m here to help out procreating
MIRANDA:
My boy Bill
Has a role to fulfill
BILL:
And he will
But it doesn’t exist yet
I can’t write
I’m an actor
MIRANDA:
Despite opening night
Jitters nobody’s hissed yet
Don’t fear of the blank page awaiting
I’m here to help out procreating
BILL: What do you know about creating a character?
MIRANDA: I have a very active fantasy life.
BILL: Oh, yeah? Prove it.
MIRANDA:
You’re decked in black from un-
tucked mock turtle neck to
Tight jeans and wire frames re-
flect your intellect. A
trenchcoat around you is
Bound to have desired effect
BILL:
If I’m a pervert who
Wants to hide the fact I’m erect
MIRANDA:
This should be easy ’cause it’s
Nothing new and you know the laws
Color your character with
Motivations, virtues and flaws
Shut up and start
Act well your part
You’re no lost cause
Don’t be amateur
Then you’ll get your
Applause
BILL:
So what’s next?
I’m a little perplexed
With no text
I still have lots of questions
MIRANDA:
Ask away
BILL:
Am I straight, bi or gay?
MIRANDA:
Either way
Let’s flesh out the conception
Miranda takes off her blouse.
BILL: Definitely straight.
MIRANDA:
You read Romantics
BILL:
Like Playboy magazine?
MIRANDA:
No. The sisters Bronte. They’re
clean. Don’t be obscene
BILL:
We’re taking our clothes off
MIRANDA:
A perfect time to ponder cuisine
Strict vegetarian
BILL:
I’d rather dine on you than soybean
MIRANDA:
Stop thinking sex
BILL:
I’m an inferno and you’re feeding my flame!
MIRANDA:
Go take a shower, earthly
pleasures aren’t your character’s aim
You’re into New Age
Zen’s all the rage
Tarot’s your game
We’ll bump and grind
After we find a
Name
BILL:
Can’t it wait till dawn? Hop in bed with me
That’s enough Bohemian Rhapsody
Please don’t put me off, I’m a dog in heat
And a rose without a name would still smell sweet
MIRANDA:
Calm your passions down, my dear Romeo
I still want you more than your Average Joe
And I use these names ’cause they’re tried and true
They should show you just how much a name can do
With one you’re someone, a quantity known
While no-one without one has name recognition
When we invent an identity on-
ly then can things come to fruition
BILL:
I give in, so what will I answer to?
MIRANDA:
Who am I to say when it’s up to you?
BILL:
Up to us, you mean, now that I agree
We should find a name, don’t abandon me
MIRANDA:
I was kidding
BILL:
Good – where do we look?
MIRANDA:
Wouldn’t the best place
To find names be
In the phone book?
Miranda throws the phone book to him.
BILL: Yes!
Lotsa Johns and Stevens and Michaels
MIRANDA:
Weak! You’re a fool believing that they’re unique
BILL:
Maybe Trevor?
MIRANDA:
Clever
BILL:
Or Duncan or Cyril?
MIRANDA:
Duncan isn’t a hunk and Cyril isn’t too virile
BILL:
What about Eugene?
MIRANDA:
Doesn’t sound to keen
BILL:
Maybe Colin
MIRANDA:
You mean as in -oscopy?
BILL:
Then there’s skip
MIRANDA:
Skip skip
BILL:
Maybe Kip?
MIRANDA:
Not hip
BILL:
Frank and Earnest
MIRANDA:
You’ve gotta be Joshing me
BILL:
Maybe Leo or Ryan
MIRANDA:
Like the hunter and the lion?
So you want to be a star?
BILL:
Not in outer space
Down to earth, my name’ll
Get critical acclaim
Like an Tony or an Oscar
MIRANDA:
Or at least an Ace
BILL:
Here’s a Hugh
MIRANDA:
Has color but it might fade out
BILL:
Maybe Parker
MIRANDA:
Darker
BILL:
Malcolm
MIRANDA:
Chuck it – X it out
BILL:
Surely Midas or Welby have to be alright
MIRANDA:
Well you might as well be Dracula ’cause these names bite
BILL:
Look, I’m sick of this, forgive me,
but my interest begins to Wayne
MIRANDA:
But you cannot just be any
Harry, Dick or Tom, they’re too Plain Jane
BILL:
I don’t Noah ’bout this Tom but
Harry Dick sounds like the Guy for me
MIRANDA:
But you have to use your head
BILL:
Which one?
MIRANDA:
Whatever one comes naturally
BILL:
So anatomy’s the plan
MIRANDA:
It’s the trick to naming Mann
BILL & MIRANDA:
The solution is at hand!
BILL:
We can start with Willy
MIRANDA:
It sounds so silly
And Peter’s neater and Woody’s cool
BILL:
Well there’s Rod and Dick
MIRANDA:
Make them Roderick
Baby, bigger’s better for the family Jules
BILL:
With a first name gained
Only last remains
MIRANDA:
And it must roll trippingly off the tongue
BILL:
Germany’s got Weiner
MIRANDA:
Ireland O’Toole
BILL:
And on occasion that I’m Asian I’d be Wang Lo Hung
MIRANDA:
But the first has length
What you lack is strength
Something proudly standing the test of time
BILL:
Polish off my thing
With a classic ring
Like John Thomas or John Hancock
MIRANDA:
Simply Johnson’s fine
BILL:
But it’s such a bore
MIRANDA:
So let’s add some more!
BILL:
Don’t you make this harder than it has to be
MIRANDA:
But it’s not so hard turning hard to Harding
So you’re Roderick Johnson Harding
BILL:
Roderick Johnson Harding
MIRANDA & BILL:
Roderick Johnson Harding
BILL:
That is me!
They jump into bed. Blackout.
© & 
2007, 1994 Mark S. Meritt and Richard Hack