This piece is from the score of the original stage musical The Right Circles. It is performed by the character Root.
Listen to .mp3 sample of The Bill of Fare from the Demo Recording.
See the The Right Circles post for Demo Recording performance credits.
Lyrics & Book Excerpt
ROOT, happily: Myopic fools! How can they be so shortsighted?
Music starts: “The Bill of Fare.” Ah, well, a fool and his gold are soon parted!
Without rhyme or reason
They go picking their season
They’d be better off picking their nose
Though they think they’re in front
Their cutting edge has gone blunt
‘Cause when you’re in the avant garde then anything goes
The shows that others showcase
They show that they have no taste
They think they’ve got variety, but everything’s bland
But Theatre Wok
Won’t serve that schlock
The plays that grace this place
Are so well done it’s rare that we get panned
They try to get you fatter
Force feeding pu pu platters
But I cut to the meat, they can’t compete or compare
Long as you utilize
Your noodle
That is what matters
‘Cause food for thought is on the bill of fare
The Wok began naturally
I started from scratch and we
Brought many a play to the stage
Since the marquis’s been dim
Some say our future is grim
But I treat the wok so well that we get better with age
My theatre is a vessel
In which ingredients’ll
Combine into a histrionic stir-fry galore
Yet each retains
Its own domain
The flavors don’t wrestle
And less’ll always leave them wanting more
So drop your shopping, stop your looking
You’re set to get a booking
And I’d provide direction oh so extraordinaire
Peruse the menu
Choose our venue
Then you’ll be cooking
Come get your share, help us prepare the bill of fare
For this I swear, success will come to you, mon cher
And if you care for a fanfare just say when and where!
But if you dare to go elsewhere,
You’d best beware and say a prayer
‘Cause I’ll become your worst nightmare
And put you in intensive care
You’ll live your life confined to a wheelchair
Don’t be a square get on the bill of fare
© & 
2007, 1994 Mark S. Meritt and Richard Hack
