Help Wanted

Listen to .mp3 sample of Help Wanted.

Sung by Mark S. Meritt.


I’m on the search for man
To keep me from becoming lonely
There is nothing at all wrong with lacking attachment but I
Would like to attach

I haven’t ever once thought
That for each person there’s one only
But as great as I am and as open my mind I’ve had
No luck making a match

It’s so hard to find good help these days
For far too long I have tried and tried
Seems there’s just one place I haven’t looked
So I placed a classified

Help wanted
For this part-time, temporary position
A right-hand man
Though I’ll be happy to take the left hand, too

The ideal candidate
Will appreciate taking direction
You will be flexible as you do your job with perk
Your appearance is a very important reflection
And you’ll be good with figures and hands-on work

Full training
Is available
If you are eager, send your resume
An opportunity like this
Is one that you don’t want to miss
Help wanted
Call today

I got a call from a man
Who did stuntwork and acrobatics
He was stunning and willing to bend to my every whim
Yes every one

But his experience was
Just a bit too broad and erratic
He knew many positions but none of them well — jack of trades
But master of none

It’s so hard to find good help these days
He was so shallow it made me mad
But a shallow man’s what I described
So I placed a different ad

Help wanted
For this full-time but temporary position
Guy Friday
Though you will have to work all the other days, too

The ideal candidate
While possessing good organization
You must be more than just an automaton or drone
Your intelligence must light up when in conversation
With great articulateness when on the phone

No training
Is available
Only apply if you possess the know-how
An opportunity like this
Is one that you don’t want to miss
Help wanted
Call now

I got a call from a man
Who administers anaesthetic
He had several degrees and the best SATs, what a mind
This Einstein would bring

His personality, though,
Didn’t make me too sympathetic
He went on about ether for so long it’s no surprise I
Did not feel a thing

It’s so hard to find good help these days
He was so boring he should be gassed
All my ads left so much up to chance
I’ll go all out with one last

Help wanted
For this full-time, permanent situation
Full partner
To share success and responsibility, too

The ideal candidate
Is both team player and independent
Communication skills are held priority one
To each detail you will always be very attendant
Yet you must bring to all this work a sense of fun

Your background
Should be stable
The perfect choice will find this opportune
The work is difficult at times
But the benefits are prime
Help wanted
Call soon

© & Circle P - Phonorecord Copyright 2007, 1997 Mark S. Meritt

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